Monday, July 30, 2012

Where Did The Time Go???

Have I not written all year???? This is Preposteurous to say the least, as I AM a Writer.  At first I was amazed by this discovery but then I remembered..........
Right after Labor Day last summer, I remember my Grandmothers health beginning to fade.  By the time Thanksgiving came we had discovered that her Uterine Cancer had spread to her lungs and settled there.  I remember the day she came back from the doctor with this knowledge and I remember how I felt-completely lost- Not wanting to accept the inevitable, knowing it's coming.  As she rested that day, I was in and out of her room, many times just looking at her.  Watching her breathe, watching her sleep-Hoping that this just was not true and by some miracle, we'd get a call saying that there had been a mistake and she would be fine with plenty of rest.  I remember her waking up and yelling at Mee for being there-but I gather she was just taking it all in and talking to GOD.  It seems that right after this day the count down to the end began.  I was getting ready to go on Tour for the Month of December and I just wanted to cancel- I wanted to NOT go- I wanted to just stay there with her.  The day I left, I laid in bed with her and talked to her and asked her to pray.  I could've prayed but I wanted her to pray because her prayers I always knew got to GOD before mines.  My grandmother prayed like she had another 20 years to go and all I wanted her to do was hold on until I returned.
As the days went by, she faded fast.  I wasn't there but the rest of the family was. I called everyday but I remember feeling like that jus wasn't enough.    21 days later I was awakened in a dream and saw her sitting on a bus with Red and White on Smiling and waving.  Her Silver Gray hair was all Black, her bottom half White and she wore a Red Blouse and she was so Pretty!!! 2 hours later, My Mom called Mee and told Mee that God came and took her.  It was Christmas Eve.
I sit here now 8 months later fully soaked with tears.  I Miss her SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is no doubt in my mind that she's in a better place and I am assured that "when we All get to Heaven" I will see her again.  I still can't help but pause and reflect as to how this has affected Mee and my Family.  On some level- yes, we are moving forward and grieving in our own personal ways- then on another level, it's things like writing that has been affected because I just don't feel it- I feel lost a lot of times, like what really do I have to talk about and who is listening to what I have to say???
This woman who raised Mee, taught Mee how to Cook, led an example before Mee-is no longer here in my presence but I feel her all the time!!! I feel her energy- her love-I hear her voice sometimes, her pictures are everywhere, and when I stop and look, I just stare...........
My lack of writing has been because of my loss- but I haven't lost my gift, just my zeal.  I am praying that it returns.  One of my best friends reminds Mee all the time that I have to do this, It's a Must, It's Inevitable- I MUST WRITE.  Thanks Mike, I am so glad you are there.....
So here I go, stories in tow, 'bout to hit the road and go,NON STOP -
My grandmother always wrote letters to her friends and family.  In her younger years she wrote Poetry and then sermons.  I'd like to think that aside from my father, I acquired this skill from her.
I Won't Disappoint............

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing. Welcome back, this is the first step to taking control of your writing again, just do it!!! Good luck with everything:)

    When you get a chance, stop by and visit our blog.

    Peace and Love.