Friday, August 3, 2012

I'm Divorcing My Hair

I was compelled to write about this because of the recent hoopla in the news and social media. In Thinking more and more about it, has allowed Mee to truly ask myself an honest question.
Gabby Douglas has done something phenomenal!!! She WON!!!! She got the GOLD MEDAL for Gymnastics in her Team Sport as well as Individual Competition, she is 16 years old.  She accomplished something so great that will go down in History- she is forever sealed in World History.  The more I say that the more excited I get for her and for all the little Black Girls to come who dare to dream.  I think it's wonderful that this has happened for Gabby as well as the entire US Gymnastics Team of Girls who are also no older than 16 years old.  This is why I could not understand for the life of Mee the discussion about Gabby Douglas' HAIR.
I will regress from the rant about it because it's stupid.  The topic though, and the report on FOX News prompted Mee to look at my own self and ask the question- Is My Self Esteem attached to my Hair and if so, Why?
I will never forget  the early 90's. I was in College, working at Def Jam Records and going to every party they had.  I had decided that I wanted to be in Videos.  I could dance and I wanted my chance at Fame in a Video.  As I went to the many auditions, or should I say Cattle Calls, I began to notice that I did not have what it took to be "The Girl" in the Video.  First of all I was Dark Skin and Second of all I did not have Braids or a Weave.  I thought I was pretty enough but apparently not enough for certain Rappers and Groups to pick Mee to be "The Girl".  I would get upset at times, but I would always walk away with the attitude with my other friends that didn't get it saying stuff like "they would have wanted Mee to be in their video" but then going home looking in the mirror saying "what's wrong with Mee?". But yet and still I'd go for my weekly Wash n Set Uptown so I could have my "Doobe" fly for Sunday.  You couldn't tell Mee nothing about the Doobe- Hair freshly Permed- Washed, Conditioned, Sit under the dryer for 45 Minutes then Wrap with Pins.  One Hour sometimes a Hour and a Half if your hair was long which was the goal of every single Black Girl trekking her way to Harlem to get her Hair Done every week, or every 2 weeks.  The Doobe was it for Mee until I said to myself- "Girl you gotta make some changes".  I began to dance on MTV's the Grind in 92 - this was MTV's version of Soul Train and I was one of the Dancers.  I noticed that the girls who were put on the Platforms if they were Black, they had a Weave or Braids.  I would have my days on the Platforms because I was good enough and attracted enough attention but, I never got picked for routines or trips.  Some people would say I was envious- well I guess so, but my thing was 'if I danced better than she- what was the difference between she and mee?' and it was ALWAYS the Braids n weave factor.  So I struggled with my hair- hating that when I went out- if it was muggy, my curls wouldn't last- ah but the Doobe!!! The Doobe was Awesome!!! I still would not conform.  I rocked Afro Puffs, & Doobees.
I had my first lesson in "What Hair NOT To Buy" on a Cruise singing with Patti Austin.  I figured, I needed hair because there was water and I'd be in it so I needed hair that can get wet and bounce back for show time without too much hassle.  Because of my lack of experience with adding hair, I just got some hair and asked my sister to weave Mee  up!!!.  I went frolicking in the water and went to wash it to get the sand out and I couldn't get a comb through it.  I gagged!!! Thank GOD for Alyson Williams!!!! She too was on the Cruise and I went to her door in tears.  This woman, DIVA, Mentor of Mine- Laughed at Mee and embraced Mee and made all my troubles go away.  She told Mee about Good Hair, and Cheap Hair, and what products to use, where to get Good Hair thats usually expensive.  All this while I sat on her floor and she combs my weave out strand by strand it seemed.  I believe we consumed 2 Bottles of Champagne.
From then on to this day, I have been hair Obsessed.  It does go deeper as far as to childhood when my mother sat me down and taught mee how to braid on my doll.  She bought Mee a head Doll that if you pushed a button, the hair got longer.  I was 5.  Once she showed Mee how to braid I began doing my own hair.  I was the only little girl in the 1st-4th Grade doing her own hair!!! I felt FAB!!! I LOVED Hair!!! I Loved My Hair because it was long and thick.  I just hated other people doing it because I was tender headed.  My mother used to ware Mee out combing my hair and she couldn't take it no more thats why she bought the doll head. I always wanted to go to Hair School but touring always got in the way.  I used to take care of my Grandmothers Hair who had the prettiest head of  hair.It was Silver Gray with like a Violet Tint-I did her hair as she laid there on the table.  I will never forget that.  Even in death, I had to do Mama's Hair.  It was important to Mee, and she wouldn't have it any other way.  She would always encourage mee to go to Hair School; I still want to go, Maybe I will.
So, I guess I am hair Obsessed. My hair has gone through lots of changes.  The Braids took out my edges, and the Laces Fronts is doing the same so my breather is Mee all natural at Home.  Out in Public, well...... Right now I am going through a change.  I want to change my hair.  I want to cut it off and be real short.  Something Ive never done.  But then I want a sickening Weave down my back-because I Love Hair - I want to go blonde for a spell- Ive never done that, and I want to shave like the back or something- Ive never done that either.
I know Im just going on and on about this and that and Hair but I  just can't help but think.  What if I had focused like Gabby Douglas focused on that Beam- did you see how her eyes stayed locked on that beam until she couldn't see it anymore- what if I kept my focus on getting that part in the video, or routine, or what if anyone of you that might read this focused as much???
As I look in the mirror, I realize that I have given HAIR Power over Mee and that my friends is just NUTS!!!
The Only Power over Gabrielle Douglas is GOD GIVEN and she acknowledges that.  It's sad that we focus on things that profit us very little.  We can all take a Lesson from Gabby-FOCUS  ON THE THING THAT WINS THE GOLD.
Today, I Am Divorcing My Hair, It has no more Power Over Mee.
The End.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Where Did The Time Go???

Have I not written all year???? This is Preposteurous to say the least, as I AM a Writer.  At first I was amazed by this discovery but then I remembered..........
Right after Labor Day last summer, I remember my Grandmothers health beginning to fade.  By the time Thanksgiving came we had discovered that her Uterine Cancer had spread to her lungs and settled there.  I remember the day she came back from the doctor with this knowledge and I remember how I felt-completely lost- Not wanting to accept the inevitable, knowing it's coming.  As she rested that day, I was in and out of her room, many times just looking at her.  Watching her breathe, watching her sleep-Hoping that this just was not true and by some miracle, we'd get a call saying that there had been a mistake and she would be fine with plenty of rest.  I remember her waking up and yelling at Mee for being there-but I gather she was just taking it all in and talking to GOD.  It seems that right after this day the count down to the end began.  I was getting ready to go on Tour for the Month of December and I just wanted to cancel- I wanted to NOT go- I wanted to just stay there with her.  The day I left, I laid in bed with her and talked to her and asked her to pray.  I could've prayed but I wanted her to pray because her prayers I always knew got to GOD before mines.  My grandmother prayed like she had another 20 years to go and all I wanted her to do was hold on until I returned.
As the days went by, she faded fast.  I wasn't there but the rest of the family was. I called everyday but I remember feeling like that jus wasn't enough.    21 days later I was awakened in a dream and saw her sitting on a bus with Red and White on Smiling and waving.  Her Silver Gray hair was all Black, her bottom half White and she wore a Red Blouse and she was so Pretty!!! 2 hours later, My Mom called Mee and told Mee that God came and took her.  It was Christmas Eve.
I sit here now 8 months later fully soaked with tears.  I Miss her SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is no doubt in my mind that she's in a better place and I am assured that "when we All get to Heaven" I will see her again.  I still can't help but pause and reflect as to how this has affected Mee and my Family.  On some level- yes, we are moving forward and grieving in our own personal ways- then on another level, it's things like writing that has been affected because I just don't feel it- I feel lost a lot of times, like what really do I have to talk about and who is listening to what I have to say???
This woman who raised Mee, taught Mee how to Cook, led an example before Mee-is no longer here in my presence but I feel her all the time!!! I feel her energy- her love-I hear her voice sometimes, her pictures are everywhere, and when I stop and look, I just stare...........
My lack of writing has been because of my loss- but I haven't lost my gift, just my zeal.  I am praying that it returns.  One of my best friends reminds Mee all the time that I have to do this, It's a Must, It's Inevitable- I MUST WRITE.  Thanks Mike, I am so glad you are there.....
So here I go, stories in tow, 'bout to hit the road and go,NON STOP -
My grandmother always wrote letters to her friends and family.  In her younger years she wrote Poetry and then sermons.  I'd like to think that aside from my father, I acquired this skill from her.
I Won't Disappoint............

Friday, September 9, 2011

Remembering 9/11

10 years ago our world as we knew it changed forever.  The Mighty Twin Towers fell as a result of a terrorist attack in New York City.  The questions has been pouring in as to "Where were you 10 years ago" and I just couldn't summarize it in 140 characters or less.
I was in Washington D.C. at The Mayflower Hotel on Constitution Avenue.  I had been touring with then new artist Alicia Keys, we were opening up for Maxwell but excited because she was getting ready to begin her own headliner tour.  I was in bed when at 8 something in the morning I opened my eyes to view the Television Program that showed the first tower burning at the top.  It didn't register at first.  I thought it was a movie that I had never seen.  Then I realized that what I was watching was CNN and that this was LIVE-I awakened my roommate and we began to reason how they could put the fire out and maybe things would be ok- until we noticed people hanging out of the window and then jumping to their deaths. Then we noticed a plane flying behind the towers rather close and wondered out loud why that plane was so close and then the plane made a complete U turn into the middle of the 2nd Tower.  Both of us Screamed in Horror.  We watched intently for the next minutes as both towers came crumbling down.  Immediately we were trying to call home but no calls were going through at all.  As we began to call around to our other tour mates, our Road Manager called a meeting.  Apparently, we, The United States was under Attack, and The Pentagon had been hit as well, and another plane crashed close to Pittsburgh.  The Pentagon was 5 minutes from our hotel and they were evacuating it and bring everyone from there to where we were and we were on lockdown for the next 8 hours.  No one except Secret Service could come in or go out.  We were all terrified.  For ourselves because we were in Washington with the government so I felt like we were sitting targets, and terrified for Alicia because we had 3 days off and she was in New York.  We stayed at the Mayflower Hotel for the next 2 days, our shows in D.C. were cancelled and all I knew then was that I did not want to be in the middle of a war, or caught up in a bomb situation that I couldn't get out of, or on an airplane.  From that moment on every Arab was suspect, and every Muslim was a potential threat, and that was sad too considering that my Dad is Muslim and I knew he would never support terrorism-however is he a fan of the Government? Absolutely not.
We finished the US tour and began the first leg of Alicia's World Tour.  Just 3 weeks after 9/11 we were on a plane flying all over , first the US, then Europe, every other day.  I was so afraid.  Every time we boarded a plane I'd get in my Window Seat, hide my face, and cry.  I did this every single time until I was on my way from San Francisco to L.A., to then catch a plane from L.A. to Germany.
A man interrupted my moment and said "Excuse Me, is anyone sitting here?" - I was so mad at him because no one was there- the plane was about to take off and I just thought it was a stupid question- didn't he see Mee looking like I didn't want to be bothered? couldn't he tell?? and why did he have to sit next to Mee, weren't there any other seats on that almost empty flight??? And I wished he would wipe that smile off his face!!!!  So I kind of waved him off like "You can sit there but don't talk to Mee, Im over here praying that we don't crash n burn".  I could not in this moment stop crying, so after about 5 minutes, the man says "Excuse Me, if you don't mind Me asking, What's Wrong?"  I said, "Sir, I really don't feel like talking, I am so scared that we are going to crash or something is going to happen- I am tired of flying, we've been on planes since 9/11 and we are just getting started and I can't take it anymore, I just want off this plane".  So he said "well, this plane is not going to crash and I know it's not"- I said "Why?" he said "Because I'm on it, and that's is not my destiny to perish in a plane crash" Then he asked Mee my name and we began to talk.  This man was a Pastor from a church in Compton California and he was flying home so he could be in church that Sunday. I told him I was a PK and I should have a better level of faith but  I didn't.  So he pulls out his Bible and asks Mee to read the passage of scripture he was pointing to- Psalms 91- I began to silently read but he told Mee to read it out loud- As I read the first verse I became overwhelmed with emotion- He That Dwelleth in the Secret Place of the Most High Shall Abide under the Shadow of the Almighty.  He told Mee that if I rest in the Word of God he will take my fears away.  He told Mee that every time I get on the plane to read this passage of scripture and he promised Mee that I will begin to feel better if I believe.  From that day on, I read this scripture every time I get on a plane and before we leave the ground I am sound asleep.  I wish I would have gotten that Pastor's number because I would have loved to visit his church to testify as to how he helped Mee.
Everywhere we went in Europe, everyone was very concerned for Americans.  We saw American Flags in Madrid, we saw American Flags in Italy, and France too.  10 years ago, it seemed as though the worse thing that had happened to the United States, had United The World.
10 Years Later we have Homeland Security, we have more intense Security with Flying, and we have a new World Trade Center being erected that will be known as The Freedom Tower.  This building is said to be the Tallest SkyScraper in America.
I will never forget the World Trade Centers- I will never forget seeing them burn on TV and I will never forget seeing those people jump to their deaths.  I will also never forget how the New York Skyline was forever changed that day and I will never forget the significance of the numbers 9-1-1.
I will always remember the victims and I will always pray for their families and the children they left behind.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Im OK With It

Since August of 2007, I have been in a season of "Friend Loss".  It has been either a loss in friendship or a loss in the life of a friend, but truly since 2007, this has been a factor.  For whatever reasons, certain friendships have been cut off, discontinued, or dissolved-however way you want to put it- and in the case of death, I truly believe that we die by appointment rather than our conditions; so for those friends who have passed on, I Bless God for their lives and their friendship, but I miss them, so it's definitely a loss to Mee.  I also find that in this process, forgiveness has been preached a lot through various vessels of God, and although I have forgiven those that have offended Mee, for whatever reason some friendships I have chosen not to renew.
That said, I come at a crossroads because as I get older, I find that with Friends, there are certain things that are taboo.  If you have friends that are Married, it's taboo to ask them how they are doing in their marriage. Never mind the friendship, its just not something to do.  If you have Single friends, it's taboo to tell another friend what those friends has done or not done to you or for you over the years.  The messenger will always get it twisted and before you know it, your initial statement is not what you said. And please don't have any questions,comments or concerns as to why they always wear shades at social gatherings, or if they are happy, or why they always are broke and they got a "man".  Gone are the days of honesty-Good Blatant Honesty.  And gone are the days when people examine themselves, their motives, their ways and actions.  And with Social Media, people do not talk anymore.  The face to face is too difficult to handle- the phone rings too loudly to pick it up-"the voicemail can get it", and furthermore, you need to mind your business, if you were their REAL friend, you would standby and watch them be hurt, beat up, talked about, cheated on, misused, or the like.
These are my thoughts as I close the end of a conversation I had with someone who is Married and my inquiry of whether or not they were still married based on my unintended observations.  Like what? I'm glad you asked- like seeing them with people other than their spouses without even an inch between them-taking advantage that you are just seeing things you don't initially inquire.  But then it's seeing things over and over again, and it soon begins to make you wonder-especially if this person is your friend and has been for years.  So here I go, trusting that I can ask my friend anything because of my concern, and they get offended- I find myself at this point of once again, examining myself, and my motives.  Since I am only coming from a place of honesty and genuine concern- I'm OK with it. If they never speak to Mee again, kool- if they realize what I pointed out and still never speak to Mee again Kool, and by Mee apologizing for the offense, if they choose to forgive Mee and not be my friend anymore, I am OK with it.
Know that, if I am your friend, I will be honest with you. And I am coming from a place of Love and Genuine Concern in being your friend.    What's the point in 2 Adults lying to each other when neither one of them has a Heaven or Hell to put you in? A lot of people can't handle the Truth, but the Bible says The Truth shall make you Free and I am OK with it.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Repeat Offender

I am not a person who says "Sorry" a lot.  I am told that this is mean and selfish to say the least.  The reason I don't say sorry a lot is because I don't say sorry if I don't mean it.  If I offend you and I didn't mean to offend you then yes, I am sorry for it and I will apologize.  However, if I feel a certain way about something and point it out to you and you disagree with how I feel and you in turn get p'd off about it, I'm not sorry for that.  Nor am I sorry for voicing my opinion about something I feel you've done that was so despicable even if it causes an argument, I am not sorry.  I am not sorry for returning the favor if you decide to curse Mee out, and I am not sorry if my reaction to your actions toward Mee, hurt you worse than your actions toward Mee- Oh Well- ............
I've been listening to Michael Jackson's Man In The Mirror-"I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life..." I feel that, I do want to make a change.
Let Mee just say this:I am sorry if you disagree with how I feel, I have a right to feel this way all I want-but I will never continue to say sorry for the very same thing over and over again.  If I keep doing that which I am ultimately sorry for, that means I am not really sorry, I meant to do it, and I am a Repeat Offender.

Monday, April 4, 2011


With the advancement of technology comes a new language-now everything is abbreviated so that you can fit more words into a 160 character page.  I find this interesting because all of a sudden we don't have time to spell whole words anymore, and more than that, we don't have time for the basics.
There is a book out now that gives you the meaning of all the abbreviations that has formed as a result of texting to fit everything you have to say on one page.  I still don't know them all- I am very basic with it-I know now that LOL means Laugh Out Loud instead of Love of Life, and ROTFLMA/BO means Rolling On The Floor Laughing My @$$/Butt Off -WTH, or WTF means What The.........; But still I find it necessary to spell whole words and send pages and pages of texts sometimes so that I can clearly get my point across- Clear Talk Means Clear Understanding-CTMCU.  Sometimes I just want to read and not have to interpret as I read.  It becomes frustrating to say the least.
There is absolutely nothing I can do about this!!! It seems my argument is moot- Technology is still moving forward and I had better catch up! We got iPhones, Android Phones, and Smart Phones-are they one in the same? and I know they are all different but, it's all a bit much.
Everytime I go to a store to see the latest I say WTH? R U Serious?this can't be Ri8, this phone does That too- you can even deposit your check through your phone- my question to the bank: Is this safe? What's the downside of this? I can't see taking a picture of my check for deposit- what if I lose the phone?  Is my information safe? what if when the bank receives the picture, it's blurry- or a number is cut off- it just aint Ri8.  Even Ri8 is wrong because if you pronounce it Right, you get Ri-8.
Im just going on, nothing I can do about it- in a minute we will all be SOH, BCUZ, the End Is Near........

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Little Red Devil.................

One of the greatest lessons in life is that "Life and Death is in the power of the tongue".  Sometimes mere words can really do damage to a persons spirit on the inside.  On the outside they may appear unscathed at the degrading comment, they may even laugh at it.  But almost always, if the person has any feelings at all toward the person saying the damaging words, those very words hurt to the core.  Even "Sorry" sometimes just isn't enough- as- the words before sunk in a lot deeper than the surface "I'm sorry".
Words might even make a person harm themselves if they felt that the hurtful words coming from the person they care about had any truth.  Even if the words didn't have any truth- the fact that they come out of the mouth of the person they care about or love, the pain can be severe or even detrimental.
I have had this very thing happen to Mee.  Harmful words spit out of the mouth of someone I cared about and loved.  The words hurt Mee to my very core.  The words, said more than once hurt so bad, and because I had heard them more than once- I began to believe that those words were true.  
The struggle of everyday life is enough without having to defend who I am as a person.  Life is way too short even to waste time "giving as good as I get".  I mean it too- I can go head to head with the best of them- you call Mee a "Skank", I call you a "Slut", You say "I hate you", I say "I hate you too", You say "I'm leaving You", I say "I'm Gone Already".  It's a never ending cycle!!! But someone has got to be the bigger person- someone has got to take the high road, Someone has got to take a step forward as opposed to revisiting an issue that is obviously dead, or arguing about something that you know will never change.
The Bible says "We are snared by the words out of our mouths"- The tongue is the detriment of all human existence!!!!
So yes, my great lesson is still- "Life and Death is in the power of the tongue". "Sticks and stones break bones, and Words Kill".  More importantly though, "I am who and what GOD says I am so what ever you say, has no power over Mee".  
What ever we give power to will have power over us- so I command all that filthy tongue, the Little Red Devil to be subjected to the Power of God and  Holy Spirit within Mee; so say whatever you're going to say- it won't kill Mee, just make Mee better..................