I'm Divorcing My Hair

I was compelled to write about this because of the recent hoopla in the news and social media. In Thinking more and more about it, has allowed Mee to truly ask myself an honest question.
Gabby Douglas has done something phenomenal!!! She WON!!!! She got the GOLD MEDAL for Gymnastics in her Team Sport as well as Individual Competition, she is 16 years old.  She accomplished something so great that will go down in History- she is forever sealed in World History.  The more I say that the more excited I get for her and for all the little Black Girls to come who dare to dream.  I think it's wonderful that this has happened for Gabby as well as the entire US Gymnastics Team of Girls who are also no older than 16 years old.  This is why I could not understand for the life of Mee the discussion about Gabby Douglas' HAIR.
I will regress from the rant about it because it's stupid.  The topic though, and the report on FOX News prompted Mee to look at my own self and ask the question- Is My Self Esteem attached to my Hair and if so, Why?
I will never forget  the early 90's. I was in College, working at Def Jam Records and going to every party they had.  I had decided that I wanted to be in Videos.  I could dance and I wanted my chance at Fame in a Video.  As I went to the many auditions, or should I say Cattle Calls, I began to notice that I did not have what it took to be "The Girl" in the Video.  First of all I was Dark Skin and Second of all I did not have Braids or a Weave.  I thought I was pretty enough but apparently not enough for certain Rappers and Groups to pick Mee to be "The Girl".  I would get upset at times, but I would always walk away with the attitude with my other friends that didn't get it saying stuff like "they would have wanted Mee to be in their video" but then going home looking in the mirror saying "what's wrong with Mee?". But yet and still I'd go for my weekly Wash n Set Uptown so I could have my "Doobe" fly for Sunday.  You couldn't tell Mee nothing about the Doobe- Hair freshly Permed- Washed, Conditioned, Sit under the dryer for 45 Minutes then Wrap with Pins.  One Hour sometimes a Hour and a Half if your hair was long which was the goal of every single Black Girl trekking her way to Harlem to get her Hair Done every week, or every 2 weeks.  The Doobe was it for Mee until I said to myself- "Girl you gotta make some changes".  I began to dance on MTV's the Grind in 92 - this was MTV's version of Soul Train and I was one of the Dancers.  I noticed that the girls who were put on the Platforms if they were Black, they had a Weave or Braids.  I would have my days on the Platforms because I was good enough and attracted enough attention but, I never got picked for routines or trips.  Some people would say I was envious- well I guess so, but my thing was 'if I danced better than she- what was the difference between she and mee?' and it was ALWAYS the Braids n weave factor.  So I struggled with my hair- hating that when I went out- if it was muggy, my curls wouldn't last- ah but the Doobe!!! The Doobe was Awesome!!! I still would not conform.  I rocked Afro Puffs, & Doobees.
I had my first lesson in "What Hair NOT To Buy" on a Cruise singing with Patti Austin.  I figured, I needed hair because there was water and I'd be in it so I needed hair that can get wet and bounce back for show time without too much hassle.  Because of my lack of experience with adding hair, I just got some hair and asked my sister to weave Mee  up!!!.  I went frolicking in the water and went to wash it to get the sand out and I couldn't get a comb through it.  I gagged!!! Thank GOD for Alyson Williams!!!! She too was on the Cruise and I went to her door in tears.  This woman, DIVA, Mentor of Mine- Laughed at Mee and embraced Mee and made all my troubles go away.  She told Mee about Good Hair, and Cheap Hair, and what products to use, where to get Good Hair thats usually expensive.  All this while I sat on her floor and she combs my weave out strand by strand it seemed.  I believe we consumed 2 Bottles of Champagne.
From then on to this day, I have been hair Obsessed.  It does go deeper as far as to childhood when my mother sat me down and taught mee how to braid on my doll.  She bought Mee a head Doll that if you pushed a button, the hair got longer.  I was 5.  Once she showed Mee how to braid I began doing my own hair.  I was the only little girl in the 1st-4th Grade doing her own hair!!! I felt FAB!!! I LOVED Hair!!! I Loved My Hair because it was long and thick.  I just hated other people doing it because I was tender headed.  My mother used to ware Mee out combing my hair and she couldn't take it no more thats why she bought the doll head. I always wanted to go to Hair School but touring always got in the way.  I used to take care of my Grandmothers Hair who had the prettiest head of  hair.It was Silver Gray with like a Violet Tint-I did her hair as she laid there on the table.  I will never forget that.  Even in death, I had to do Mama's Hair.  It was important to Mee, and she wouldn't have it any other way.  She would always encourage mee to go to Hair School; I still want to go, Maybe I will.
So, I guess I am hair Obsessed. My hair has gone through lots of changes.  The Braids took out my edges, and the Laces Fronts is doing the same so my breather is Mee all natural at Home.  Out in Public, well...... Right now I am going through a change.  I want to change my hair.  I want to cut it off and be real short.  Something Ive never done.  But then I want a sickening Weave down my back-because I Love Hair - I want to go blonde for a spell- Ive never done that, and I want to shave like the back or something- Ive never done that either.
I know Im just going on and on about this and that and Hair but I  just can't help but think.  What if I had focused like Gabby Douglas focused on that Beam- did you see how her eyes stayed locked on that beam until she couldn't see it anymore- what if I kept my focus on getting that part in the video, or routine, or what if anyone of you that might read this focused as much???
As I look in the mirror, I realize that I have given HAIR Power over Mee and that my friends is just NUTS!!!
The Only Power over Gabrielle Douglas is GOD GIVEN and she acknowledges that.  It's sad that we focus on things that profit us very little.  We can all take a Lesson from Gabby-FOCUS  ON THE THING THAT WINS THE GOLD.
Today, I Am Divorcing My Hair, It has no more Power Over Mee.
The End.

Where Did The Time Go???

Have I not written all year???? This is Preposteurous to say the least, as I AM a Writer.  At first I was amazed by this discovery but then I remembered..........
Right after Labor Day last summer, I remember my Grandmothers health beginning to fade.  By the time Thanksgiving came we had discovered that her Uterine Cancer had spread to her lungs and settled there.  I remember the day she came back from the doctor with this knowledge and I remember how I felt-completely lost- Not wanting to accept the inevitable, knowing it's coming.  As she rested that day, I was in and out of her room, many times just looking at her.  Watching her breathe, watching her sleep-Hoping that this just was not true and by some miracle, we'd get a call saying that there had been a mistake and she would be fine with plenty of rest.  I remember her waking up and yelling at Mee for being there-but I gather she was just taking it all in and talking to GOD.  It seems that right after this day the count down to the end began.  I was getting ready to go on Tour for the Month of December and I just wanted to cancel- I wanted to NOT go- I wanted to just stay there with her.  The day I left, I laid in bed with her and talked to her and asked her to pray.  I could've prayed but I wanted her to pray because her prayers I always knew got to GOD before mines.  My grandmother prayed like she had another 20 years to go and all I wanted her to do was hold on until I returned.
As the days went by, she faded fast.  I wasn't there but the rest of the family was. I called everyday but I remember feeling like that jus wasn't enough.    21 days later I was awakened in a dream and saw her sitting on a bus with Red and White on Smiling and waving.  Her Silver Gray hair was all Black, her bottom half White and she wore a Red Blouse and she was so Pretty!!! 2 hours later, My Mom called Mee and told Mee that God came and took her.  It was Christmas Eve.
I sit here now 8 months later fully soaked with tears.  I Miss her SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is no doubt in my mind that she's in a better place and I am assured that "when we All get to Heaven" I will see her again.  I still can't help but pause and reflect as to how this has affected Mee and my Family.  On some level- yes, we are moving forward and grieving in our own personal ways- then on another level, it's things like writing that has been affected because I just don't feel it- I feel lost a lot of times, like what really do I have to talk about and who is listening to what I have to say???
This woman who raised Mee, taught Mee how to Cook, led an example before Mee-is no longer here in my presence but I feel her all the time!!! I feel her energy- her love-I hear her voice sometimes, her pictures are everywhere, and when I stop and look, I just stare...........
My lack of writing has been because of my loss- but I haven't lost my gift, just my zeal.  I am praying that it returns.  One of my best friends reminds Mee all the time that I have to do this, It's a Must, It's Inevitable- I MUST WRITE.  Thanks Mike, I am so glad you are there.....
So here I go, stories in tow, 'bout to hit the road and go,NON STOP -
My grandmother always wrote letters to her friends and family.  In her younger years she wrote Poetry and then sermons.  I'd like to think that aside from my father, I acquired this skill from her.
I Won't Disappoint............

Remembering 9/11

10 years ago our world as we knew it changed forever.  The Mighty Twin Towers fell as a result of a terrorist attack in New York City.  The questions has been pouring in as to "Where were you 10 years ago" and I just couldn't summarize it in 140 characters or less.
I was in Washington D.C. at The Mayflower Hotel on Constitution Avenue.  I had been touring with then new artist Alicia Keys, we were opening up for Maxwell but excited because she was getting ready to begin her own headliner tour.  I was in bed when at 8 something in the morning I opened my eyes to view the Television Program that showed the first tower burning at the top.  It didn't register at first.  I thought it was a movie that I had never seen.  Then I realized that what I was watching was CNN and that this was LIVE-I awakened my roommate and we began to reason how they could put the fire out and maybe things would be ok- until we noticed people hanging out of the window and then jumping to their deaths. Then we noticed a plane flying behind the towers rather close and wondered out loud why that plane was so close and then the plane made a complete U turn into the middle of the 2nd Tower.  Both of us Screamed in Horror.  We watched intently for the next minutes as both towers came crumbling down.  Immediately we were trying to call home but no calls were going through at all.  As we began to call around to our other tour mates, our Road Manager called a meeting.  Apparently, we, The United States was under Attack, and The Pentagon had been hit as well, and another plane crashed close to Pittsburgh.  The Pentagon was 5 minutes from our hotel and they were evacuating it and bring everyone from there to where we were and we were on lockdown for the next 8 hours.  No one except Secret Service could come in or go out.  We were all terrified.  For ourselves because we were in Washington with the government so I felt like we were sitting targets, and terrified for Alicia because we had 3 days off and she was in New York.  We stayed at the Mayflower Hotel for the next 2 days, our shows in D.C. were cancelled and all I knew then was that I did not want to be in the middle of a war, or caught up in a bomb situation that I couldn't get out of, or on an airplane.  From that moment on every Arab was suspect, and every Muslim was a potential threat, and that was sad too considering that my Dad is Muslim and I knew he would never support terrorism-however is he a fan of the Government? Absolutely not.
We finished the US tour and began the first leg of Alicia's World Tour.  Just 3 weeks after 9/11 we were on a plane flying all over , first the US, then Europe, every other day.  I was so afraid.  Every time we boarded a plane I'd get in my Window Seat, hide my face, and cry.  I did this every single time until I was on my way from San Francisco to L.A., to then catch a plane from L.A. to Germany.
A man interrupted my moment and said "Excuse Me, is anyone sitting here?" - I was so mad at him because no one was there- the plane was about to take off and I just thought it was a stupid question- didn't he see Mee looking like I didn't want to be bothered? couldn't he tell?? and why did he have to sit next to Mee, weren't there any other seats on that almost empty flight??? And I wished he would wipe that smile off his face!!!!  So I kind of waved him off like "You can sit there but don't talk to Mee, Im over here praying that we don't crash n burn".  I could not in this moment stop crying, so after about 5 minutes, the man says "Excuse Me, if you don't mind Me asking, What's Wrong?"  I said, "Sir, I really don't feel like talking, I am so scared that we are going to crash or something is going to happen- I am tired of flying, we've been on planes since 9/11 and we are just getting started and I can't take it anymore, I just want off this plane".  So he said "well, this plane is not going to crash and I know it's not"- I said "Why?" he said "Because I'm on it, and that's is not my destiny to perish in a plane crash" Then he asked Mee my name and we began to talk.  This man was a Pastor from a church in Compton California and he was flying home so he could be in church that Sunday. I told him I was a PK and I should have a better level of faith but  I didn't.  So he pulls out his Bible and asks Mee to read the passage of scripture he was pointing to- Psalms 91- I began to silently read but he told Mee to read it out loud- As I read the first verse I became overwhelmed with emotion- He That Dwelleth in the Secret Place of the Most High Shall Abide under the Shadow of the Almighty.  He told Mee that if I rest in the Word of God he will take my fears away.  He told Mee that every time I get on the plane to read this passage of scripture and he promised Mee that I will begin to feel better if I believe.  From that day on, I read this scripture every time I get on a plane and before we leave the ground I am sound asleep.  I wish I would have gotten that Pastor's number because I would have loved to visit his church to testify as to how he helped Mee.
Everywhere we went in Europe, everyone was very concerned for Americans.  We saw American Flags in Madrid, we saw American Flags in Italy, and France too.  10 years ago, it seemed as though the worse thing that had happened to the United States, had United The World.
10 Years Later we have Homeland Security, we have more intense Security with Flying, and we have a new World Trade Center being erected that will be known as The Freedom Tower.  This building is said to be the Tallest SkyScraper in America.
I will never forget the World Trade Centers- I will never forget seeing them burn on TV and I will never forget seeing those people jump to their deaths.  I will also never forget how the New York Skyline was forever changed that day and I will never forget the significance of the numbers 9-1-1.
I will always remember the victims and I will always pray for their families and the children they left behind.

Im OK With It

Since August of 2007, I have been in a season of "Friend Loss".  It has been either a loss in friendship or a loss in the life of a friend, but truly since 2007, this has been a factor.  For whatever reasons, certain friendships have been cut off, discontinued, or dissolved-however way you want to put it- and in the case of death, I truly believe that we die by appointment rather than our conditions; so for those friends who have passed on, I Bless God for their lives and their friendship, but I miss them, so it's definitely a loss to Mee.  I also find that in this process, forgiveness has been preached a lot through various vessels of God, and although I have forgiven those that have offended Mee, for whatever reason some friendships I have chosen not to renew.
That said, I come at a crossroads because as I get older, I find that with Friends, there are certain things that are taboo.  If you have friends that are Married, it's taboo to ask them how they are doing in their marriage. Never mind the friendship, its just not something to do.  If you have Single friends, it's taboo to tell another friend what those friends has done or not done to you or for you over the years.  The messenger will always get it twisted and before you know it, your initial statement is not what you said. And please don't have any questions,comments or concerns as to why they always wear shades at social gatherings, or if they are happy, or why they always are broke and they got a "man".  Gone are the days of honesty-Good Blatant Honesty.  And gone are the days when people examine themselves, their motives, their ways and actions.  And with Social Media, people do not talk anymore.  The face to face is too difficult to handle- the phone rings too loudly to pick it up-"the voicemail can get it", and furthermore, you need to mind your business, if you were their REAL friend, you would standby and watch them be hurt, beat up, talked about, cheated on, misused, or the like.
These are my thoughts as I close the end of a conversation I had with someone who is Married and my inquiry of whether or not they were still married based on my unintended observations.  Like what? I'm glad you asked- like seeing them with people other than their spouses without even an inch between them-taking advantage that you are just seeing things you don't initially inquire.  But then it's seeing things over and over again, and it soon begins to make you wonder-especially if this person is your friend and has been for years.  So here I go, trusting that I can ask my friend anything because of my concern, and they get offended- I find myself at this point of once again, examining myself, and my motives.  Since I am only coming from a place of honesty and genuine concern- I'm OK with it. If they never speak to Mee again, kool- if they realize what I pointed out and still never speak to Mee again Kool, and by Mee apologizing for the offense, if they choose to forgive Mee and not be my friend anymore, I am OK with it.
Know that, if I am your friend, I will be honest with you. And I am coming from a place of Love and Genuine Concern in being your friend.    What's the point in 2 Adults lying to each other when neither one of them has a Heaven or Hell to put you in? A lot of people can't handle the Truth, but the Bible says The Truth shall make you Free and I am OK with it.

Repeat Offender

I am not a person who says "Sorry" a lot.  I am told that this is mean and selfish to say the least.  The reason I don't say sorry a lot is because I don't say sorry if I don't mean it.  If I offend you and I didn't mean to offend you then yes, I am sorry for it and I will apologize.  However, if I feel a certain way about something and point it out to you and you disagree with how I feel and you in turn get p'd off about it, I'm not sorry for that.  Nor am I sorry for voicing my opinion about something I feel you've done that was so despicable even if it causes an argument, I am not sorry.  I am not sorry for returning the favor if you decide to curse Mee out, and I am not sorry if my reaction to your actions toward Mee, hurt you worse than your actions toward Mee- Oh Well- ............
I've been listening to Michael Jackson's Man In The Mirror-"I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life..." I feel that, I do want to make a change.
Let Mee just say this:I am sorry if you disagree with how I feel, I have a right to feel this way all I want-but I will never continue to say sorry for the very same thing over and over again.  If I keep doing that which I am ultimately sorry for, that means I am not really sorry, I meant to do it, and I am a Repeat Offender.
DON'T BE A REPEAT OFFENDER.......

SMH

With the advancement of technology comes a new language-now everything is abbreviated so that you can fit more words into a 160 character page.  I find this interesting because all of a sudden we don't have time to spell whole words anymore, and more than that, we don't have time for the basics.
There is a book out now that gives you the meaning of all the abbreviations that has formed as a result of texting to fit everything you have to say on one page.  I still don't know them all- I am very basic with it-I know now that LOL means Laugh Out Loud instead of Love of Life, and ROTFLMA/BO means Rolling On The Floor Laughing My @$$/Butt Off -WTH, or WTF means What The.........; But still I find it necessary to spell whole words and send pages and pages of texts sometimes so that I can clearly get my point across- Clear Talk Means Clear Understanding-CTMCU.  Sometimes I just want to read and not have to interpret as I read.  It becomes frustrating to say the least.
There is absolutely nothing I can do about this!!! It seems my argument is moot- Technology is still moving forward and I had better catch up! We got iPhones, Android Phones, and Smart Phones-are they one in the same? and I know they are all different but, it's all a bit much.
Everytime I go to a store to see the latest I say WTH? R U Serious?this can't be Ri8, this phone does That too- you can even deposit your check through your phone- my question to the bank: Is this safe? What's the downside of this? I can't see taking a picture of my check for deposit- what if I lose the phone?  Is my information safe? what if when the bank receives the picture, it's blurry- or a number is cut off- it just aint Ri8.  Even Ri8 is wrong because if you pronounce it Right, you get Ri-8.
Im just going on, nothing I can do about it- in a minute we will all be SOH, BCUZ, the End Is Near........
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Little Red Devil.................

One of the greatest lessons in life is that "Life and Death is in the power of the tongue".  Sometimes mere words can really do damage to a persons spirit on the inside.  On the outside they may appear unscathed at the degrading comment, they may even laugh at it.  But almost always, if the person has any feelings at all toward the person saying the damaging words, those very words hurt to the core.  Even "Sorry" sometimes just isn't enough- as- the words before sunk in a lot deeper than the surface "I'm sorry".

Words might even make a person harm themselves if they felt that the hurtful words coming from the person they care about had any truth.  Even if the words didn't have any truth- the fact that they come out of the mouth of the person they care about or love, the pain can be severe or even detrimental.

I have had this very thing happen to Mee.  Harmful words spit out of the mouth of someone I cared about and loved.  The words hurt Mee to my very core.  The words, said more than once hurt so bad, and because I had heard them more than once- I began to believe that those words were true.  

The struggle of everyday life is enough without having to defend who I am as a person.  Life is way too short even to waste time "giving as good as I get".  I mean it too- I can go head to head with the best of them- you call Mee a "Skank", I call you a "Slut", You say "I hate you", I say "I hate you too", You say "I'm leaving You", I say "I'm Gone Already".  It's a never ending cycle!!! But someone has got to be the bigger person- someone has got to take the high road, Someone has got to take a step forward as opposed to revisiting an issue that is obviously dead, or arguing about something that you know will never change.

The Bible says "We are snared by the words out of our mouths"- The tongue is the detriment of all human existence!!!!

So yes, my great lesson is still- "Life and Death is in the power of the tongue". "Sticks and stones break bones, and Words Kill".  More importantly though, "I am who and what GOD says I am so what ever you say, has no power over Mee".  

What ever we give power to will have power over us- so I command all that filthy tongue, the Little Red Devil to be subjected to the Power of God and  Holy Spirit within Mee; so say whatever you're going to say- it won't kill Mee, just make Mee better..................

A Higher Degree of Understanding......................

One day I asked my father, "Daddy, what's the meaning of LOVE?" My father replied in his typical philosophical way; "Well Baby, (he began), God is Love, God is the highest level of anything, the creator of all things,for without God, we cannot understand the concept of Love- therefore, Love is a higher degree of Understanding- rather OVER-standing because God is never under anything."
I took this explanation and I began to look at my various relationships with people and ask myself- do I really and truly have it? Do I Love? Do I Love with God over all I do, see, and comprehend?
In dealing with people in everyday situations and circumstances, I find that when people don't take the time out to understand mee if we are in "relationship" with each other, I tend to feel that if the particular person doesn't understand mee- they don't understand my point of view, they don't understand where I am coming from- the reason is because there is a certain lack of love for mee. If they love mee, then they will at least take the time out to understand Mee.  At the same time, I too, if I love them, must take the time out to understand them. 
In life we will not always agree- we will not always be on the same page.  Opinions vary from person to person and change with each situation based on a particular circumstance.  It always seems like that when you are faced with opposing points of view that both parties at least agree on one thing- "it's either MY way, or the highway" - which to Mee is wrong.
I just believe my father- Love is indeed a higher degree of understanding yes!  In order to understand someone who opposes you, you have to view them with a certain amount of Love to even listen to the opposition. We have to use God-OVER our own understanding.   However, I believe that the act of Love in attempting to understand that which we find difficulty in understanding is a concept I believe we all should grasp..............COMPROMISE

It Is What It Is: New Year

It Is What It Is: New Year: "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past........Isaiah 43:18 Looking forward to the new year- I tend to reflect on that which I wi..."

New Year

Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past........Isaiah 43:18
Looking forward to the new year- I tend to reflect on that which I wish to change, or fix, or straighten out.  It's a popular trend in society to throw away the old- start afresh- resolve to do that which we've been meaning to do all year.  Unfortunately, by mid -February, a lot of resolutions go out the window, and you wind up being in the same old rut you were in before.
Self improvement is not something to resolve to do- its a process that takes a certain amount of time.  Situation improvement can happen a lot quicker because most times, if you cut out the fat, you can get to the root of an issue rather quickly and find a resolution.
I would like to resolve the verse Isaiah put out there- Forget the former things- we cannot change what happened- it happened and there is nothing to do about it.  Do not dwell on the past- And  since we cannot change it, we have to move on.......the hurt will heal, and life goes on. 
A new year- a new decade- new opportunities, new days that we have never ever seen before-a whole new thing awaits us in less than 40 hours . 
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!

I AM RESTORED............

When you say goodbye to a relationship it hurts.  It is in that moment that you face the reality that life as you have known it for however long will change- that is, if you valued the relationship.  Some relationships end and you may say "Good Riddance" "Get Ta Steppin"- "Be Gone", "Please don't come back".  And then there are some that you just feel like your whole world is shattered, "How could they do that to you", "Maybe you can try again", "I Will never feel this way again". 

I have been on both sides of this coin and either way, the bottom line is that, your relationship is over and on a certain level there is a sense of melancholy, slight indifference, a glimmer of sadness.  The upside is something I remember my Bishop saying,  "Your destiny is not tied to anyone who has left you."  This is a true statement.  We all have our paths to follow and sometimes where there are 2 people on the same path, they separate due to difference of opinion on which way to go.  It's just life, the title of this blogpage; "It Is What It Is".

Today I am encouraged.  I took a long look in the mirror this morning and I just fell in love all over again with Mee.  I reflect on that which I know I can change, and I am letting go of that which I have no control .  I must say I feel real good.  Where there was a block, I feel a flow;  and despite my apparent loss, I have gained something so much greater.  A Renewed mind, and Encouraged Heart, and Greater Faith.

I AM RESTORED.........................

Letting Go..................

When you lose something- if it had sentimental value attached to it then it might upset you to lose it.  You may look for it extensively- inquiry around to see if anyone has seen it- you may even go as far as posting your lost item on a poster all over your city in hopes that someone would find your lost item and return it to you.  When you lose a person friend or family- if the loss is in the case of death- then you are sad- you cry- you wish the person didn't have to die- you may even take a certain amount of time to step away from your normal activity to grieve.  If the loss is because you or the person walked out of your life then the same may occur along with anger and anything associated with anger- or you just might be happy that person is gone.  Whatever it is- Ultimately you have to Let GO

For whatever reason, people get attached to people or things and then find it hard to separate themselves from that thing or person.  What happens is a certain dependency develops and in the process of holding on to this thing or person, you lose yourself.  Your identity has now become associated with this thing or person.  Your actions and attitudes are affected by this thing or person and you are now invisible. 

For some, Letting go is easy.  They can recognize it aint good and cut it off at the knees and keep it moving.  Then for others, Letting go is the hardest thing.  They hold on to people and things way too long.  The dresser is dead- it don't have no handles on it- get rid of it- those shoes haven't been worn in 3 years- get rid of them- that coat is too tight- get rid of it-  People do relationships the same way- they stay in them too long- if it don't work anymore- end it- if you argue all the time-end it- if it gets physical- it's over-

I have been guilty of this on both ends- I have way too much stuff and I hold on to relationships way too long.  Today I am taking a stand and moving forward.  I am cleaning out my closet, my storage, my frendlists, as well as my heart and my mind-

I am Letting Go.......................

Love Is What Love Does............

My Pastor often says "Love Is What Love Does".....and, while it seems pretty simple, it made Mee wonder about Love and "What It Do".  People may say that there are different kinds of Love- like the Love you have for a friend, wouldn't be the same kind of Love you would have for your Mother, Father, Sister or Brother- and It wouldn't be the same kind of Love that you would have for your significant other.  To mee, all of that is emotion- the automatic feelings you have for your family- since you've known them, you've Loved them.  For your friends or significant other it was - once you got to know them you Loved them.  And for everybody included in the pronouns I just mentioned, you say "I Love You" and some point or another.

The Bible has another take on Love.  In Corinthians Chapter 13 (this is often referred to as the LOVE Chapter) It says Love suffereth Long and is Kind, Love envies not, Is Not Puffed Up, Does Not behave itself unseemingly, seeketh not it's own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth- Love bears all things, believes all things, hopeth all things and endureth all things- LOVE NEVER FAILS, and it ends with saying that Faith Hope and Love abides but the greatest of these is LOVE.  That's an amended version but please read it in it's entirety.  This was my grandfathers favorite scripture because it tells you from the beginning- you can do signs and wonders, be GREAT, but if you don't have LOVE, you are nothing.  It says you can give to the poor, feed the hungry, even give your body as a sacrifice, but without LOVE it profits you nothing.

I am careful with this word.  I find people often misuse it- says it too much, abuse it, uses it as a salutation- and even though I have been guilty of it's misuse, I think about this enough that  I am definitely working on Mee.  But the reason I am writing this is to ask you who are reading this- Do you LOVE? do you really LOVE? Do you give Love? Do YOU show Love? In your actions, in your thoughts, in your speech, in your silence, are you LOVING?

What's the difference between LOVE and IN LOVE? and in being IN LOVE do you remain IN LOVE or just fade to LOVE ONLY?   I'm just asking- I am certainly no authority on the subject as I have quite a few failed relationships and friendships.  However many that didn't work - I now find that it is quite possible to ALWAYS LOVE and ALWAYS BE IN LOVE- especially if GOD is the head of your life.  The Greatest LOVE STORY ever told is John 3:16 says that GOD SO LOVED the WORLD he gave his ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.
All in one verse we have the Greatest Being- GOD- the Greatest Feeling- SO LOVED - the Greatest  Object-The World- the Greatest Sacrifice- He Gave His ONLY SON - The Greatest Promise- That Whosoever believeth in him should not perish- then the Greatest Gift- but have Everlasting Life.   Now this, is LOVE, undeniable, and true- LOVE.

I know we as humans cannot Love on this level or anything even close to it.  But I also know that we are fully capable of achieving some Good LOVE if we are honest with ourselves and then honest with the person we are loving.

I began writing this with a different emotion.  As I revisit for editing I realize my mind and my heart is in a different place.  I still feel the same way- but I have a different perspective.  Love is What Love Does. If there is a red flag- it's not a flag of Love it's a flag of caution.  Let's be honest folks!!! If they verbally abuse you, beat you, merely tolerate you, they don't LOVE you.

GOD is in CONTROL..............

Something just came over Mee and I will express it here because this is the forum for it.  In life, you get situations and circumstances and how you deal with it determines your level of faith.  Job who was the richest man besides Solomon, had the equivalent to 7 Billion Dollars (this includes his houses, land, cattle, oxen, and everything else), he lost it all in 7 hours.  I am truly amazed by this because everyday- we being human and of this time lose jobs, houses, gigs, boyfriends, husbands, wives, girlfriends etc- and we give up.  We feel sorry, have pity parties, go into seclusion and so forth.  Then we do the one thing we shouldn't do, we question GOD.  And GOD says"Why Not You?" if you read the good book, The Bible, GOD turned Job over to the devil and said "He's in your hand just don't kill him".  Yes, GOD used Job to accomplish his will and purpose, but he also was testing Job who did not know that he was apart of the Chess Game.  "Have you considered my servant Job?".  The devil was like "sure, he serves you look at all he has, but I bet if you did this, or that, he'd curse you and die".  God said (in my words) Go ahead and do it, just don't kill him, he'll make Me proud.  First he took all his substance, then he attacked his body- smote him with boils from the sole of his feet to his head, then he attacked his mind.  In all of this however- Job did not curse GOD- even when his wife said "Curse GOD and die" he told her she was foolish, and held strong to his integrity.This morning I was awakened by my own discomfort.  I was not feeling happy, or loved.  I feel at a loss for certain things. I am petitioning GOD for other things that haven't come through yet.  My finances are at an all time low, and I began feeling like "maybe I need to do something else","maybe I need to change careers", "maybe GOD has forgotten Mee".  Then I remembered the lesson- "What will you do with what's Left?"  I had so much before and I lost it.  I can blame the enemy all day but the truth is GOD allowed this to happen to Mee to teach Mee a valuable lesson.  One that  I must adhere to and really learn from so that this time, rather than get a C, I can come out with an A. 
So I'm going to wait on GOD.  I'm going to hold on to my faith and believe what he promised Mee- and I am going to continue to pursue that which GOD has given Mee to pursue.  I thank GOD that my pity party lasted all but 5 minutes.  Now it's time to get up and hit the pavement knowing GOD is in control and he is going to work this out concerning Mee. 

A Journey toward Progress.......................

When people rant about something, it´s usually due to a happenstance that really rubbed them the wrong way, or to put it plainly "pissed them off".  In life I have learned that the occassional "rant" might sometimes be proven to be a great release of tension, however, depending on the size of the "rant", who gets it and how they get it, that "rant" may be detrimental to the health of each person.  Because sometimes, a "rant" can explode to out right rage. 

As I sit here today feeling the need to "rant" about a particular situation, I have to wonder if in the end, it will prove profitable to Mee.  The truth is my "rant" is already a simmering tea kettle, and at any moment, if I dwell on the very thought of it, my whistle will no doubt blow.

Taking the time to consider the end results makes Mee question why I even bother to have these feelings at all.  I do realize that I may be the only one affected and ultimately, at the end of the day, no matter how hard the pill is to swallow, a drink of water and maybe even a piece of bread will help it go down.

Life sometimes hands us big pills to swallow and we have to take it.  We can crush it, let it dissolve in the water and drink it, or we can take it and wash it down with water and a piece of bread if it´s really big- either way, it is what it is.  It will go down and your choice is either to learn a lesson, or "rant". (This is inclusive of jumping up and down, cursing someone out,  pounding your fists into somebodys face and the like).

Once you choose to learn a lesson though, that is the time to grow. Really pay attention to the bigger picture,  I know for certain I will never do THAT again.  And I won´t forget how to avoid making the same mistake.  I found a way out of my "rant".  Thank GOD!!!!
That to Mee is AMAZING................I am progressing!!!!............................

What Is True Worth? - MITCH MATLOCK's MySpace Blog |

What Is True Worth? - MITCH MATLOCK's MySpace Blog |

Truth?...............

Eventually I knew that a sore subject would come up and I'd write about it and many will agree, disagree, agree to disagree or will just not say anything at all; but, as I watched the report about Bishop Eddie Long, I knew my hour had arrived.

The Catholic Church concealed this practice for centuries.  Now with the mind of rememberance as men now begin to come forth to express how they were abused, scandals are dismantling parishes all around the world.  And now the Black church membership has awakened and decided to participate.

As a minister, I find it upsetting that Men and Women of GOD abuse certain people through sexual practices, and or games.  I find it insulting to GOD to wear a collar and proclaim to Thousands, even Millions how the Power of God will transform your lives but they themselves live as those whom they proclaim are lost.

In my search for the truth, I read many books and always use the Bible as my guide toward what is the higher truth.  I look at the many people God used to deliver his words and instructions for life.  It seems as though God's words and instructions for life were always given by these less than stellar perfect men.  All of them had something which caused them to be successful at one point, then fall at the next. Abraham lied a few times to get to where he needed to be.  Jacob the trickster, Moses the Stuttering Murderer, David  the Murdering Womanizer, Solomon the Wise Womanizer, Jonah the Rebel, and Jeremiah the Weeper.  Then you got Jesus' boys, Peter the denying fighter, and Paul the killer of Chirstians who converted but found it very difficult to stop doing certain things.  These Men had some serious issues!!! Yet we read them faithfully, tell our children about them, preach in church their stories and how to apply the lessons from their lives to ours and in our minds, they are saints- higher than we, some of us even want to be like them.  I mean really, who doesn't want to be visited by GOD? Who doesn't want  to be considered GOD's friend? Who doesn't want Wealth and Prosperity?  In in the same token, there is a price to pay.  We see their seeds but not their struggles, or we just choose to ignore them.

Are the young men that came forward disgruntled former employees? Are they victims of circumstances? if they were still receiving the pleasures, would they have sang their songs of scandal? Is the higher demographic so threatened by our Black Leaders that once they reach a certain level and they decide it's too much, then it s time to remove them from what they've established?  Has our Black Leaders become so natural minded that they can't see whats really going on because they are blinded by the Pomp and Circumstance? These are questions of which I need answers but I know I will never get them.  Some are reading this now wondering what I am even talking about it, or why I even choose to discuss it.

As long as there have been sin, there has been perversion.  It's disgusting!!!!! Woe unto you who do not repent!!!! Be GODLY SORRY, don't be a REPEAT OFFENDER, TURN AWAY FROM SIN.  As Easy as it is to put out there, mans nature is to sin.  We were born and shaped in iniquity, GOD HELP US!!!!!

I've heard stories about preachers that would make you gag!!! Sad, but true.  But ALL HAVE SINNED and FELL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD.    Have I listened to them preach after I heard it? sure.  Did I receive a Word from the Lord as they preached it? sure.  In that instance GOD's Will was accomplished!!!!  What am I saying?   I am saying that we as humans need to change our focus.  Focus not on man but GOD in THE MAN.  If you can recognize GOD in a man then his message becomes clear. Not man's message, GOD's Message.   The men and women who are leaders in the church need to do the same, focus on GOD. What is God's Will?  Is it GOd's will for me to have a Private Jet, or a Bentley? Are these the desires of my heart or the desires of what I think I should emulate because when I don't have on my collar I resemble a rapper, not my Father in Heaven.   What does GOD have for Me to give to his people, whom can I serve today?  How can I make a difference and be different?

I feel bad for the people of GOD who are confused by all the information out there today. I feel bad for those who search out information to expose people - be them pastors, presidents, congressmen, rappers, senators, or the average man- pull back your own covers and reveal your truth.   Why? because the mind is focused on the wrong things.  Pray for our leaders, pray for the Body of Chirst. Pray for yourselves, and clean your own closets.  For the hour has come when the Father is seeking those who will worship him in Spirit and in Truth, that's it

Alone...................

This is dedicated to my Late Brother Schon Jomel................

Here I am, All Alone
No One to talk to
No One to be with,
It´s like I´m a bird,
Sitting on top of a tree
Hoping, that someone will come
And share some seeds,
But no one comes,
And I am still
All Alone..................

By Langston Crawford.........................

I know, the scholars are like ¨"Who´s Langston Crawford? I´ve never heard of him!" And it´s true, you´ve never!!!! This is a poem that I believe came about because my brother decided to pay homage to my gift as a poet so he came up with this one day as we keyed keed about anything.  As I sit here in Ibiza, I know for a fact that right about now, I would have called him to recite this because of the way I feel.  But the thought here right now, is enough for mee to not feel so alone.  I wish my brother was here in this realm, but I do feel him.  I feel his spirit.  I wish I could talk to him right now, I have so many questions that I need answers to!!! And he wouldn´t answer them for Mee, but he would give Mee his honest opinion about what he thought, based on his love for Mee...........What more could a sister want?

I miss you Brother!!! You are always in my heart, thank you for all the days that you did pick up the phone and recite this with Mee................

I will Always Love You.................

The DRAMA of TRAVEL

Ok, so I was hearing all the reports about the airline industry and all the different changes that´s going on, but clearly wasn´t affected because I wasn´t traveling at the time.  Then I came to IBIZA!!!! First of all I thought it was only IBERIA AIRLINES, who by the way, is the absolute worse!!! I was reading and the flight attendant actually came and shut off my light, without asking first.  Not to mention that the food was horrible!!!  They only allow you to check in 1 bag per person, no matter where you´re going.  So here I am leaving the country for a month and I just don´t know what woman travels with 1 bag for a month.  There is the exception of DESTINY´S CHILD who in 2002 told Mee and Jessica that they carry with them 1 bag each everywhere they go- but I might want to point out to you that, they were meeting stylists everywhere they went so the need to lug around anything wasn´t theirs.  But here I am, going to IBIZA for a month and not only do IBERIA expect mee to carry 1 bag, but so does every other airline that flies the skies to and fro.  I have a serious problem with this because I believe that the racket is beating up on the average citizen.  Bad enough we pay taxes before we see our money, now we have to pay to take what we need where we´re going.  And when you´re leaving New York- the TSA will scan your stuff and let you through provided there´s no drugs or guns or bombs- but getting to another country and they take my hair gel and toothpaste!!!!!!!????? I´m having issue with this!!!! What do the people do with the stuff they take from people- especially the brand new stuff like my gel that was never opened!?
I said I thought it was only IBERIA because I had such a problem!!! My first flight left an hour and a half late, and I missed my connection, then the connecting flight they put mee on was delayed 5 hours!!!!  I wish I could just take a train or boat back home!!!!
I believe the airline industry needs to get a grip! if I´m paying 1000 dollars to go somewhere, why are they still charging 60 for a bag- and further more- shouldn´t the amount of luggage you take be determined by the length of your trip? I told IBERIA, "Chile, I´m a DIVA, WHAT DIVA YOU KNOW HAS 1 BAG TO GO OUT OF THE COUNTRY FOR A MONTH!!!!"
But then I remembered Destiny´s Child.......................................Can You Pay My Bills!!!!.....................

Silent Thoughts...........

They exist on the left and the right
appearing all through the night,
as I lay mee down to sleep, praying
to GOD I keep saying give peace
to my mind.  Leave all the negative
from the day behind-
Never to repeat again.
But yet and still, the pain I feel from
each and every untold thought-
how I fought to stay alive, or how I
overcame the oppression of a guy,
or a girl who meant to do mee harm
though they befriended mee through charm'
Thoughts of woulda, shoulda, coulda, and how
to change, arrange,rearrange my now-
All unspoken, but I'm choking on my words,
Nobody heard Mee- my pleas- on my knees
I pray hard- MY GOD MY GOD!!!
The Silent Thoughts that fill my mind, I now
leave behind in yesterday...